Forget the Sticks and Stones...Words Can Be More Painful

I was shopping at Target yesterday with my toddler in tow. At times, he got a little cranky, wanted to keep moving or wanted something to drink. I accomodated his wishes while still trying to fulfill my own retail desires, until I finally gave in and decided to take him home.

I was in the check-out line behind another mom who was obviously very overwhelmed by her own toddler. He was standing up in the grocery cart and she kept asking him to sit down. My son must have witnessed this because he began to stand up in the cart's seat, so I went ahead and secured his seat belt a little tighter to avoid any accidents. Meanwhile, Overwhelmed Mom kept telling her little guy to sit down, sit down, sit down.

Then I heard her say something that really stopped me in my tracks. She began to call him a "bad baby." Instead of using his name, she said, "Sit down, bad baby. No bad baby. You can't have that bad baby." The child seemed unfazed; I think I took it harder than he did. Then again, as a therapist, I imagined him as an adult with self-esteem issues, trying to obtain the approval of others.

My heart did go out to Overwhelmed Mom too. It was apparent that the stress had gotten to her, which it does for most people. She was trying to get her shopping done while taking care of her active child, and who knows what else she was juggling. Other children? A partner? A job? Elderly parents?

This mom reminded me of the importance of self-care. Take time for yourself! Many people who read this will probably say, "What time? I have no time!" These same people probably rearrange their lives to accomodate others. While that is noble and generous, I urge you to be just as accomodating to yourself. Even if it's 15 minutes, at least that time is yours. (Visit another post for further tips: http://mentalhealtheducation.blogspot.com/2010/04/feeling-overwhelmed-by-daily-tasks-here.html)

I wanted to talk to Overwhelmed Mom, tell her I understand, and provide her a little education on how words can be so powerful. Instead, I sent positive thoughts her way, wishing her a little peace, and looked at my own son and told him what a good boy he is. Every parent makes mistakes, but if we just took a little time to take care of ourselves, our children will be better for it.

Most Common Stressors Among Adults

Break-up of a romantic relationship
Death of a family member or friend
Economic hardship
Racism and discrimination
Poor physical health
Accidental and intentional assaults on physical safety

Source: www.surgeongeneral.gov

Can you relate?

Feeling Overwhelmed by Daily Tasks? Here Are Some Helpful Tips!

Write it all out
Sometimes we feel overwhelmed with all the tasks we have to complete. This often leads to confusion, anxiety and memory loss. To help yourself, write down everything that you have to do, that way you can see it in black-and-white and know you haven’t forgotten anything. You also will calm those racing thoughts that are trying to keep track of it all.

Prioritize
Everything on your list is importance, but not everything needs to be done right away. Take that list and divide it into three sections: Most important, important, least important. The most important tasks are the ones to tackle first.

Delegate
Is there something on the list that someone else can do? Maybe your spouse can do the laundry, and your child can wash the dishes. Maybe you and your co-worker can team up to handle one of the tasks. Learn how to ask for help and it will decrease your stress immensely.

Take on one task a day
Don’t tell yourself that you need to complete the entire list in one day. Tell yourself that today you will complete task #1, and tomorrow is task #2, and so on.

Forgive yourself
If you find yourself becoming distracted or too tired to tackle that “to-do” list, it’s okay. We all need a break now and then and just because you didn’t get anything done today does not mean it can’t be done tomorrow.

Stress Management

You’ve just gotten home from a long day at work. You haven’t been home since 7 o’clock this morning and you get out of the car, looking forward to plop down on the couch and put your feet up. The only decisions you are planning to make is whether you should watch your favorite television program, read a book or simply meditate.
You take a look at the lawn and realize it hasn’t been mowed, even though your landscaper promised it would happen today. That’s okay. You’ll give him a call when you get in the house; it should only take a few minutes and then you can relax.
You check the mail. More bills, one marked past due, even though you could have sworn you paid it. You’ll make a phone call to them tomorrow.
You walk inside the house and see the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Your son promised to wash them when he got home from school, as well as take out the trash. You check that and see he hasn’t done that either.
You open the refrigerator and realize you forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer to defrost for tonight’s supper. You groan as you try to figure out something else to cook.
You walk down the hallway to your bedroom and realize the dog has made a mess on the floor, and no one has cleaned it up yet. You step over it and head straight to your daughter’s room to ask her why she didn’t take out the dog like she was supposed to. She’s lying in bed with a headache. So, you step over the poo and get her some aspirin.
Then you walk back and clean up the poo.
Then you walk into your son’s room only to find a note on his door saying he went to a friend’s house and he will be home in time for supper.
Then you head to the phone to call the landscaper and see that your husband has left a message, indicating he will be home after he goes to the gym tonight.
You take a look at the couch and realize you did have something planned that involved the couch tonight, but now, with all these other responsibilities, you’ve forgotten what that plan is.
Sound familiar?
If so, then you are one of plenty of women who are suffering from stress. Today’s woman has many responsibilities—work, school, home life, children, spouse, etc. Gone are the June Cleaver days (if they ever really existed). Now you feel like you have to be Wonder Woman, conquering the world and saving the day.
Although you might be helping everyone around you, the truth is, you’re hurting yourself. Many women become so involved in taking care of others, that they neglect to take care of the one person who matters the most—themselves!
Working with individuals who can relate to the above description, I have come to discover that there are five areas in life that need to be nurtured in order to obtain and maintain a well-balanced lifestyle. These areas are spiritual, social, emotional, mental and physical.

The Spiritual Piece
How do you get in touch with your spirituality? Some people practice their spirituality by going to church, others by communing with nature. Some read religious literature, others meditate. Whatever you do that helps you get in touch with your inner peace, practice it on a regular basis.

Your Social Life
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own lives, we forget that there’s a whole other world out there that needs to be enjoyed. Get in touch with old friends, schedule lunch dates or play dates or a girls night out. Limited on friends? Join a social networking group with others who have a common bond. Schedule time with family or take a few minutes every day to chat with co-workers.

Getting In Touch Your Emotions
When we have so much on our plate, sometimes we go on automatic pilot and ignore how we’re feeling inside. Ignoring our emotions will ultimately lead to feeling stressed. Therefore it’s important to get in touch with those feelings, recognize them and acknowledge them. You can do this by journaling, writing a letter, talking to someone you trust or seeking individual or group therapy.

Stimulate your Mind
What stimulates your mind? Tackling a project at work? Learning a new language or craft? Doing a crossword puzzle or sudoku? Reading a book or the newspaper? Watching an educational TV program? Engage in mental stimulation on a regular basis to keep your interests up and your mind sharp.

Your Physical Body
Taking care of your body goes hand-in-hand with taking care of your mind. If we ignore one, it will exacerbate symptoms in the other, such as upset stomach, rapid heartbeat, headaches, etc. Make sure you are eating proper foods; they are the fuel that makes your body go. Exercise on a regular basis by walking, running, yoga, playing a new sport. Also, treat your body to luxuries such as massage, a new haircut or a facial.

It’s important that we nurture these five areas equally (or as equally as possible) in order to maintain a balanced lifestyle. Doing so will prevent feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, isolation, sadness, and anxiety. It will also create a healthier and happier you!