Listening to music
Taking a bath
Exercise
Yoga
Kickboxing
Taking a nature walk
Writing in a journal
Writing a song, poem, story, etc.
Scrapbooking
Gardening
Cooking a delicious meal
Volunteering
Stretching
Writing a letter to someone you love
Writing a letter to someone who hurt you
Visiting a museum, zoo or art gallery
Taking a creative class: cooking, singing, language, dancing, etc.
Watch a funny movie or TV show
Screaming in your car (rather than at others)
Punching a pillow or a bean bag
Drinking a cup of tea or coffee
Playing a musical instrument
Joining a support group
Talking to supportive friends or family
Eating healthy
Meditate
Caressing a pet
Dancing
Singing
Getting a massage or pedicure
Getting a haircut
Scrubbing the bathtub (helps release tension and anger)
Drawing
Painting
Throwing water balloons at the side of your house
Putting on your favorite article of clothing
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Talking to Kids About Suicide
Many parents struggle with how to talk to their children about death. They wonder what vocabulary to use, how much detail they should give, what questions to answer, etc. A death by suicide can complicate things even more and it usually increases the parents' anxieties. They worry that by talking openly about suicide, it will give their children the license to kill themselves. So, many parents end up keeping the truth from their children, believing they are protecting them. However, a suicide is an important part of a family's health history, and having that truth will help their own physical and mental health. A better way to protect your child is to comfort them, reassure them and answer their questions openly and honestly.
Here are some ways to help parents talk openly about suicide:
Tell the truth
Research shows that more than 90 percent of people who commit suicide have a diagnosable mental illness at the time of their death. These mental illnesses are not always identified beforehand, but many suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and/or substance abuse. A mental illness can complicate a person's thoughts, causing them to feel hopeless, helpless, and make desperate decisions. So, it's safe to say that what caused the suicide was an "illness in the brain" much like a heart problem causes a heart attack or a malignant tumor causes cancer.
Starting out
When talking to your child about suicide, find a time and place where you can talk quietly without interruptions. Choose your words carefully, depending on the age of the child. (See another post which describes the appropriate vocabulary to use with different age groups: http://mentalhealtheducation.blogspot.com/2010/05/talking-to-children-about-death.html)
Allow the child to lead the conversation, and remember they will be more focused on what the loss means to them rather than the cause of death.
Preparing for later
It has been said that children don't run from grief, they walk slowly toward it, which means you may find yourself having these important conversations over several periods of time. Be prepared to talk about suicide multiple times, and encourage them to return to you if they have any more questions. Also, be sure to "check in" with them to see how they are coping with their loss.
Take care of yourself
Enlist the help of a counselor or find a support group for people who are experiencing similar losses. There are many resources available through your local hospice, university, hospital and community mental health center.
Here are some ways to help parents talk openly about suicide:
Tell the truth
Research shows that more than 90 percent of people who commit suicide have a diagnosable mental illness at the time of their death. These mental illnesses are not always identified beforehand, but many suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and/or substance abuse. A mental illness can complicate a person's thoughts, causing them to feel hopeless, helpless, and make desperate decisions. So, it's safe to say that what caused the suicide was an "illness in the brain" much like a heart problem causes a heart attack or a malignant tumor causes cancer.
Starting out
When talking to your child about suicide, find a time and place where you can talk quietly without interruptions. Choose your words carefully, depending on the age of the child. (See another post which describes the appropriate vocabulary to use with different age groups: http://mentalhealtheducation.blogspot.com/2010/05/talking-to-children-about-death.html)
Allow the child to lead the conversation, and remember they will be more focused on what the loss means to them rather than the cause of death.
Preparing for later
It has been said that children don't run from grief, they walk slowly toward it, which means you may find yourself having these important conversations over several periods of time. Be prepared to talk about suicide multiple times, and encourage them to return to you if they have any more questions. Also, be sure to "check in" with them to see how they are coping with their loss.
Take care of yourself
Enlist the help of a counselor or find a support group for people who are experiencing similar losses. There are many resources available through your local hospice, university, hospital and community mental health center.
Forget the Sticks and Stones...Words Can Be More Painful
I was shopping at Target yesterday with my toddler in tow. At times, he got a little cranky, wanted to keep moving or wanted something to drink. I accomodated his wishes while still trying to fulfill my own retail desires, until I finally gave in and decided to take him home.
I was in the check-out line behind another mom who was obviously very overwhelmed by her own toddler. He was standing up in the grocery cart and she kept asking him to sit down. My son must have witnessed this because he began to stand up in the cart's seat, so I went ahead and secured his seat belt a little tighter to avoid any accidents. Meanwhile, Overwhelmed Mom kept telling her little guy to sit down, sit down, sit down.
Then I heard her say something that really stopped me in my tracks. She began to call him a "bad baby." Instead of using his name, she said, "Sit down, bad baby. No bad baby. You can't have that bad baby." The child seemed unfazed; I think I took it harder than he did. Then again, as a therapist, I imagined him as an adult with self-esteem issues, trying to obtain the approval of others.
My heart did go out to Overwhelmed Mom too. It was apparent that the stress had gotten to her, which it does for most people. She was trying to get her shopping done while taking care of her active child, and who knows what else she was juggling. Other children? A partner? A job? Elderly parents?
This mom reminded me of the importance of self-care. Take time for yourself! Many people who read this will probably say, "What time? I have no time!" These same people probably rearrange their lives to accomodate others. While that is noble and generous, I urge you to be just as accomodating to yourself. Even if it's 15 minutes, at least that time is yours. (Visit another post for further tips: http://mentalhealtheducation.blogspot.com/2010/04/feeling-overwhelmed-by-daily-tasks-here.html)
I wanted to talk to Overwhelmed Mom, tell her I understand, and provide her a little education on how words can be so powerful. Instead, I sent positive thoughts her way, wishing her a little peace, and looked at my own son and told him what a good boy he is. Every parent makes mistakes, but if we just took a little time to take care of ourselves, our children will be better for it.
I was in the check-out line behind another mom who was obviously very overwhelmed by her own toddler. He was standing up in the grocery cart and she kept asking him to sit down. My son must have witnessed this because he began to stand up in the cart's seat, so I went ahead and secured his seat belt a little tighter to avoid any accidents. Meanwhile, Overwhelmed Mom kept telling her little guy to sit down, sit down, sit down.
Then I heard her say something that really stopped me in my tracks. She began to call him a "bad baby." Instead of using his name, she said, "Sit down, bad baby. No bad baby. You can't have that bad baby." The child seemed unfazed; I think I took it harder than he did. Then again, as a therapist, I imagined him as an adult with self-esteem issues, trying to obtain the approval of others.
My heart did go out to Overwhelmed Mom too. It was apparent that the stress had gotten to her, which it does for most people. She was trying to get her shopping done while taking care of her active child, and who knows what else she was juggling. Other children? A partner? A job? Elderly parents?
This mom reminded me of the importance of self-care. Take time for yourself! Many people who read this will probably say, "What time? I have no time!" These same people probably rearrange their lives to accomodate others. While that is noble and generous, I urge you to be just as accomodating to yourself. Even if it's 15 minutes, at least that time is yours. (Visit another post for further tips: http://mentalhealtheducation.blogspot.com/2010/04/feeling-overwhelmed-by-daily-tasks-here.html)
I wanted to talk to Overwhelmed Mom, tell her I understand, and provide her a little education on how words can be so powerful. Instead, I sent positive thoughts her way, wishing her a little peace, and looked at my own son and told him what a good boy he is. Every parent makes mistakes, but if we just took a little time to take care of ourselves, our children will be better for it.
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