Talking to Kids About Suicide

Many parents struggle with how to talk to their children about death. They wonder what vocabulary to use, how much detail they should give, what questions to answer, etc. A death by suicide can complicate things even more and it usually increases the parents' anxieties. They worry that by talking openly about suicide, it will give their children the license to kill themselves. So, many parents end up keeping the truth from their children, believing they are protecting them. However, a suicide is an important part of a family's health history, and having that truth will help their own physical and mental health. A better way to protect your child is to comfort them, reassure them and answer their questions openly and honestly.

Here are some ways to help parents talk openly about suicide:

Tell the truth
Research shows that more than 90 percent of people who commit suicide have a diagnosable mental illness at the time of their death. These mental illnesses are not always identified beforehand, but many suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and/or substance abuse. A mental illness can complicate a person's thoughts, causing them to feel hopeless, helpless, and make desperate decisions. So, it's safe to say that what caused the suicide was an "illness in the brain" much like a heart problem causes a heart attack or a malignant tumor causes cancer.

Starting out
When talking to your child about suicide, find a time and place where you can talk quietly without interruptions. Choose your words carefully, depending on the age of the child. (See another post which describes the appropriate vocabulary to use with different age groups: http://mentalhealtheducation.blogspot.com/2010/05/talking-to-children-about-death.html)

Allow the child to lead the conversation, and remember they will be more focused on what the loss means to them rather than the cause of death.

Preparing for later
It has been said that children don't run from grief, they walk slowly toward it, which means you may find yourself having these important conversations over several periods of time. Be prepared to talk about suicide multiple times, and encourage them to return to you if they have any more questions. Also, be sure to "check in" with them to see how they are coping with their loss.

Take care of yourself
Enlist the help of a counselor or find a support group for people who are experiencing similar losses. There are many resources available through your local hospice, university, hospital and community mental health center.