Many parents struggle with how to talk to their children about death. They wonder what vocabulary to use, how much detail they should give, what questions to answer, etc. A death by suicide can complicate things even more and it usually increases the parents' anxieties. They worry that by talking openly about suicide, it will give their children the license to kill themselves. So, many parents end up keeping the truth from their children, believing they are protecting them. However, a suicide is an important part of a family's health history, and having that truth will help their own physical and mental health. A better way to protect your child is to comfort them, reassure them and answer their questions openly and honestly.
Here are some ways to help parents talk openly about suicide:
Tell the truth
Research shows that more than 90 percent of people who commit suicide have a diagnosable mental illness at the time of their death. These mental illnesses are not always identified beforehand, but many suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and/or substance abuse. A mental illness can complicate a person's thoughts, causing them to feel hopeless, helpless, and make desperate decisions. So, it's safe to say that what caused the suicide was an "illness in the brain" much like a heart problem causes a heart attack or a malignant tumor causes cancer.
Starting out
When talking to your child about suicide, find a time and place where you can talk quietly without interruptions. Choose your words carefully, depending on the age of the child. (See another post which describes the appropriate vocabulary to use with different age groups: http://mentalhealtheducation.blogspot.com/2010/05/talking-to-children-about-death.html)
Allow the child to lead the conversation, and remember they will be more focused on what the loss means to them rather than the cause of death.
Preparing for later
It has been said that children don't run from grief, they walk slowly toward it, which means you may find yourself having these important conversations over several periods of time. Be prepared to talk about suicide multiple times, and encourage them to return to you if they have any more questions. Also, be sure to "check in" with them to see how they are coping with their loss.
Take care of yourself
Enlist the help of a counselor or find a support group for people who are experiencing similar losses. There are many resources available through your local hospice, university, hospital and community mental health center.
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Suicide Prevention and Education
I attended a very valuable conference last week on Healing Grief After Suicide. There was discussion about the importance of suicide prevention and education in our school system. Naturally, this got me thinking about my own high school experience with suicide.
As we all know, rumors abound in the high school hallways. Who's dating who, who cheated on the test, who's smoking pot by the tree, etc. But, sometimes these rumors became more serious and unfortunately were based on fact. I remember hearing about a young freshman at our school who was hospitalized. She was not that popular, though she tried to be. She would dress in trendy clothes, talk to the popular crowd, join the social clubs. I often heard people complain about her, calling her a "wanna-be" and a "suck-up."
Then one day I heard she cut her wrists. She tried to kill herself, and was hospitalized for an unknown period of time. I don't remember if she came back to our school. Now, mind you, I heard the rumor and was merely an acquaintance of hers, so I can imagine the whole school heard about it.
After this girl tried to take her own life, I was talking to a close friend of mine about the situation. He revealed he tried the same thing over the summer. He stated a relative caught him with a gun under his chin and stopped him. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't believe I almost lost this good friend of mine. I couldn't believe he didn't know to ask for my help.
But, what would I say? Suicide was never addressed at my school. The guidance counselors were much too busy with class schedules. Our Life Skills class was too focused on telling us the dangers of sex (i.e. pregnancy, STDs) rather than the dangers of depression. And, it was more important to hold pep rallys for the football team and award ceremonies for the academic achievers than to educate the students on what to say if a classmate tells you she wants to kill herself.
Did you know suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among 15 to 24-year-olds? And 50 to 75 percent of all suicides give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
So, what do you do if someone tells you they are thinking of suicide?
Start by telling the person you are concerned and give him/her examples.
If he/she is depressed, don't be afraid to ask whether he/she is considering suicide, or if he/she has a particular plan or method in mind.
Ask if they have a therapist and are taking medication.
Do not attempt to argue someone out of suicide. Rather, let the person know you care, that he/she is not alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary and that depression can be treated. A
Avoid the temptation to say, "You have so much to live for," or "Your suicide will hurt your family."
Be actively involved in encouraging the person to see a physician or mental health professional immediately.
If the person is in immediate danger, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. (www.afsp.org)
I can only imagine how many young lives can be saved if we just started talking about suicide, instead of hiding it, being ashamed of it, or thinking it will "just go away." Living in a world of secrecy, the unmentionable becomes unmanageable.
What are your own experiences with suicide?
As we all know, rumors abound in the high school hallways. Who's dating who, who cheated on the test, who's smoking pot by the tree, etc. But, sometimes these rumors became more serious and unfortunately were based on fact. I remember hearing about a young freshman at our school who was hospitalized. She was not that popular, though she tried to be. She would dress in trendy clothes, talk to the popular crowd, join the social clubs. I often heard people complain about her, calling her a "wanna-be" and a "suck-up."
Then one day I heard she cut her wrists. She tried to kill herself, and was hospitalized for an unknown period of time. I don't remember if she came back to our school. Now, mind you, I heard the rumor and was merely an acquaintance of hers, so I can imagine the whole school heard about it.
After this girl tried to take her own life, I was talking to a close friend of mine about the situation. He revealed he tried the same thing over the summer. He stated a relative caught him with a gun under his chin and stopped him. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't believe I almost lost this good friend of mine. I couldn't believe he didn't know to ask for my help.
But, what would I say? Suicide was never addressed at my school. The guidance counselors were much too busy with class schedules. Our Life Skills class was too focused on telling us the dangers of sex (i.e. pregnancy, STDs) rather than the dangers of depression. And, it was more important to hold pep rallys for the football team and award ceremonies for the academic achievers than to educate the students on what to say if a classmate tells you she wants to kill herself.
Did you know suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among 15 to 24-year-olds? And 50 to 75 percent of all suicides give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
So, what do you do if someone tells you they are thinking of suicide?
Start by telling the person you are concerned and give him/her examples.
If he/she is depressed, don't be afraid to ask whether he/she is considering suicide, or if he/she has a particular plan or method in mind.
Ask if they have a therapist and are taking medication.
Do not attempt to argue someone out of suicide. Rather, let the person know you care, that he/she is not alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary and that depression can be treated. A
Avoid the temptation to say, "You have so much to live for," or "Your suicide will hurt your family."
Be actively involved in encouraging the person to see a physician or mental health professional immediately.
If the person is in immediate danger, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. (www.afsp.org)
I can only imagine how many young lives can be saved if we just started talking about suicide, instead of hiding it, being ashamed of it, or thinking it will "just go away." Living in a world of secrecy, the unmentionable becomes unmanageable.
What are your own experiences with suicide?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Seven Pounds
I wrote this review a couple of years ago, but it's a movie that still has quite the impact...
I was initially intrigued by the movie “Seven Pounds” when a friend of mine recommended it to me. I asked her what the movie was about, and she said, “I can’t tell you—you just have to see it.”
Fast forward to an email I received from the American Mental Health Counselors Association which stated the organization had been approached to make a statement about the movie, because critics suggested it glorified suicide. Naturally, as a grief counselor, this piqued my interest even more and so I decided to see what all the fuss was about.
Seven Pounds opens with Tim Thomas (portrayed by Will Smith) calling 911 to report a suicide—his own. The rest of the movie takes you through the past several years, and an interesting chain of events, which brought him to this point. Two years ago, Tim was a successful engineer and happily in love. Then one fatal mistake cost him everything; he was at fault in a fatal car accident which killed his fiancée and six others. Tim decides to dedicate the rest of his life to improving the lives of seven people to make up for the seven lives he took. He enlists the help of his best friend, an attorney, and his brother, an FBI agent, to find seven people worthy of receiving life-altering gifts. We follow him on his journey, changing the lives of good people. We also follow him on his own grief journey as he experiences a variety of emotions associated with all he has lost, and what he may lose in the future.
In the movie, I discovered that Tim completes William Worden’s four tasks of mourning: accepting the reality of his loss, experiencing the pain of his loss, adjusting to his new environment and finding a way to memorialize his fiancée and the others who died in the crash.
Has this piqued your interest? Do you want to know how Tim helps others, how he finds peace, how this movie ends? Well, I can’t tell you—you just have to see it.
I was initially intrigued by the movie “Seven Pounds” when a friend of mine recommended it to me. I asked her what the movie was about, and she said, “I can’t tell you—you just have to see it.”
Fast forward to an email I received from the American Mental Health Counselors Association which stated the organization had been approached to make a statement about the movie, because critics suggested it glorified suicide. Naturally, as a grief counselor, this piqued my interest even more and so I decided to see what all the fuss was about.
Seven Pounds opens with Tim Thomas (portrayed by Will Smith) calling 911 to report a suicide—his own. The rest of the movie takes you through the past several years, and an interesting chain of events, which brought him to this point. Two years ago, Tim was a successful engineer and happily in love. Then one fatal mistake cost him everything; he was at fault in a fatal car accident which killed his fiancée and six others. Tim decides to dedicate the rest of his life to improving the lives of seven people to make up for the seven lives he took. He enlists the help of his best friend, an attorney, and his brother, an FBI agent, to find seven people worthy of receiving life-altering gifts. We follow him on his journey, changing the lives of good people. We also follow him on his own grief journey as he experiences a variety of emotions associated with all he has lost, and what he may lose in the future.
In the movie, I discovered that Tim completes William Worden’s four tasks of mourning: accepting the reality of his loss, experiencing the pain of his loss, adjusting to his new environment and finding a way to memorialize his fiancée and the others who died in the crash.
Has this piqued your interest? Do you want to know how Tim helps others, how he finds peace, how this movie ends? Well, I can’t tell you—you just have to see it.
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